You know that New Year, New You thing? Downtime over the Christmas holidays is often a good opportunity to reflect, consider, and change gear. The revamp of this website was long overdue for many reasons (and please excuse any imperfections as that process continues: it is still in transition). The font was too small, the dark background made it hard to read, the theme wasn’t mobile/ipad friendly. But the chief one was this: I am not that person any more.
Writing my New Year’s Eve post and considering why I have more or less stopped blogging I realised it was because I didn’t feel able to talk about the things that were important to me. I couldn’t be myself here, because the things that are important to me are deemed unacceptable in mainstream society. I was afraid to write about them publicly and be judged.
Yet there is nothing shameful in my interests. They are just somewhat taboo among British intellectuals. And am I not hoping to walk amongst these folk as an equal? We all want to be respected, not mocked. But there is a stronger urge, beyond those social anxieties that make so many put our ‘best’ face forward rather than our true face. And that is the urge to be who we really are, in wholeness.
For a few years now I’ve been listening to people talk about being in integrity. And though I know it is important, and that people can tell when you’re holding back (and how can they trust you when they can tell you’re holding back?), I nevertheless wasn’t courageous enough to ‘integrate’ my online self. I’d be my true self with many people I met, but not here – in text that anyone, even the unfriendliest of eyes, could find. So many people who know me in real life are hardly going to be surprised by this ‘coming out’ at all. For my friends and my clients, it is old news.
And if you’ve been paying attention, even if you only ‘know’ me through this website, it might be old news to you too. Because in recategorising old blog posts as part of the revamp I realised I’ve hardly kept it secret at all. Many of the posts I have written in the last few years touch upon on it. They speak of ‘mindset’ and ‘limiting beliefs’ and the world reflecting my inner state back to me. I wrote a small guide called How to Achieve the Impossible, outlining the practical steps you can take towards any goal through changing your emotional state, but I did nothing to openly promote it, only sliding it silently onto my sidebar.
For years I had a separate website for my ‘writer’ self and my ‘EFT’ self (the latter called Tap Yourself Free). I never publicly connected the EFT website and Twitter account to my ‘writer’ website and account. And stopped tweeting from TYF a few years ago. When The Marlowe Papers became successful I took the EFT website down. Last year I decided to integrate the EFT work I do with writers into this website, but only in a ‘quiet sideline’ way: not as a central part of my identity. I was afraid to write specifically and openly about my experiences with Energy Psychology.
Then, three days ago, I listened to three interviews in Claire Zammit’s Women on the Edge of Evolution series. This is the sort of thing I’ve been listening to for nearly nine years and not really telling anyone. ‘New Thought Leaders’ are part of my secret identity. I listened to Lynne Twist and Ali Brown and Iyanla Vanzant. Many things they said resonated with me but the one message that really landed was that if I want to blast away the final barriers between me and the life I want, I really have to own who I really am. Publicly. Never mind the fall-out.
So here I am, coming out as a conscious creator.
My experiences have shown me that my thoughts (and the way I feel when I think those thoughts) powerfully effect the reality I experience. And that I can change my reality (sometimes with astonishing rapidity and results) by changing my thoughts. If you understand even a little about the Observer Effect, or indeed if you’ve read Devotion, you will appreciate that what some might call ‘magical thinking’ is an entirely predictable consequence of living in a quantum universe.
If any of this makes you uncomfortable: sorry about that. I’ve split my blog into three basic categories, and you can stick with the ‘writer‘ or ‘scholar‘ strands if you would prefer. But I’m going to be blogging quite a lot about conscious creation from now on. I’m going to write about some of the interesting experiments I’ve conducted, and give some tips on how you can create the reality you prefer yourself, if that’s of interest. Because this is the 21st century, and extraordinary things are happening, and it can’t be ignored any longer.
There. That wasn’t so bad.